I will waste my childhood, and I will be happy

Looking at a transcript of a day 11 years ago

I sometimes think I wasted my childhood. But I am mostly over this.

I could have done better, but what is done is done.

But I remembered that, one day get bored and decide to record all the actions I took in a day. Which means now I can look at the transcript 11 years later, judge myself, and do some analysis.

Was it really so bad?

Yeah, it was. But also, not really.

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Thursday 19th February, 2015

Here is the transcript of what I did in the day. I did not go as far as Celeste and write down every thought. I just wrote in a note every time I was doing something, there was no rigorous methodology. I just decided to do it the day before and stuck to it. I never did it again, I’m not sure why.¹

WHAT I DID TODAY

• ~04:30 wake up go to bathroom + go back to sleep

• • 0?:?? Wake up

• dream = 🔺 serum steal person

• • 09:20 really wake up

• • 09:22 finish writing dis

• • 09:23 collect crossy Road gift

• • 09:24 clash of clans

• • 09:28 get up N go down stairs

• • 09:30 put potato waffles in toaster

• • 09:32 drink orange mi wadi

• • 09:34 take out plate + ketchup + fork

• • 09:36 waffles ready + take pic

• • 09:37 eat

• • 09:41 put away + get yoghurt and spoon

• • 09:42 take pic + eat

• • 09:45 finish eat

• • 09:46 go upstairs + check on my brother

• • 09:47 he was playing minecraft on his ipad mini

• 09:48 go to own room + look out window

• 09:54 noise? Was my brother

• 09:55 back to Windows

• 10:09 look at notification

• 10:21 stop looking out window + go 2 bathroom

• 10:22 poop

• 10:27 send mail to digiweb

• 10:30 clash of clans

• 10:42 stawp poop + wash hands and face

• 10:45 go down stairs

• 10:46 go upstairs + check on my brother

• 10:48 go down stairs

• 10:49 put potato waffles for my brother

• 10:55 put on toast

• 10:58 put beans in microwave

• 11:01 food on table

• 11:05 pour tea

• 11:08 complain about messiness

• 11:10 fin drink tea

• 11:12 yoghurt

• 11:15 fin yoghurt

• 11:16 feed my brother like a child

• 11:25 read mail

• 11:28 clean up after his food

• 11:34 my brother finally finished his tea

• 11:35 go upstairs and into office

• 11:36 YouTube

• 12:09 clash of clans

• 12:31 get bored + go down stairs

• 12:33 go back upstairs

• 12:34 go to room and look out window

• 12:42 take out block + take a picture

• 12:44 put it back

• 12:45 take a picture of the window

• 12:46 open window take pic + close window

• 12:48 open window again

• Look out

• 13:00 close window

• Go down stairs

• 13:02 turn on oven

• 13:04 turn on oven fuse :P

• 13:06 put pizza in oven

• 13:08 sit at table to w8

• 13:09 go to tomshardware

• 13:14 check pizza

• 13:15 sit back down

• 13:16 anandtech

• 13:17 check again

• 13:18 watch it

• 13:20 get a plate

• 13:21 take it out

• 13:22 cut pizza

• 13:24 call my brother + eat

• 13:27 take pic

• 13:36 finish food

• 13:38 put away mess

• 13:39 have another yoghurt

• 13:41 fin

• 13:43 piss

• 13:45 take knife + go upstairs

• 13:46 take out wood + go into room

• 13:48 find pencil

• 14:11 finish main letter

• 14:35 wash glue off hand

• 14:39 scavenge magnet out of ipad case

• 14:53 Glue in the letter

• 14:54 wash hands from glue

• 14:55 take a picture

• 14:58 Take another pic

• 15:00 clean up chippings

• 15:05 au pair came home

• 15:08 go down stairs to bin wood

• 15:10 bring knife down stairs

• 15:11 have another yoghurt

• 15:15 say hi to au pair

• 15:16 go upstairs

• ? Message sum1?

• random.Org = 1

• 15:19 whatsapp

• 15:23 say something?

• Random.Org = 1

• Dunt know what to say

• 15:26 crossy Road free gift

• Do nothing for 10 minutes

• 15:35 try study

• 15:36 fail and curl up in chair

• 15:58 climb into bed

• 17:20 wake up

• 17:28 get up

• 17:30 For downstairs and eat lasagna

• 17:31 take a picture

• 17:37 finished food

• 17:39 break off and eat a small bit of a roll

• 17:40 take a pic

• 17:41 have some mi wadi

• 17:43 piss

• 17:44 wash hands

• 17:45 go upstairs and into my room

• 17:46 YouTube

• 18:20 bored of YouTube

• 18:21 clash of clans

• 18:33 mum interrupts, pretend to study

• 18:44 clash of clans

• 18:54 study a bit

• 19:05 look at stuff on Amazon

• 19:12 clash of clans

• 19:24 go to the shower

• 19:26 get socks

• 19:28 w8

• 19:31 wash

• 19:47 finish wash

• 19:50 whaff

• 20:06 go down stairs

• 20:09 peel orangw

• 20:12 eat orange

• 20:15 go upstairs

• 20:16 look out window

• 20:47 finish 4 now

• 20:49 consume pill

• 20:51 brush teeth

• 20:53 shave

• 20:55 wash face

• 20:56 read defferin leaflet

• 21:00 apply defferin

• 21:03 piss

• 21:04 climb into bed

• 21:05 clash of clans

• 21:18 YouTube

• 21:32 crossy Road free gift

• 21:33 YouTube

• 21:46 clash of clans

• 21:55 sleep

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Judgement

One of the crafted letters I made

I do thank my past self for documenting this day. She made something I could look back on and reminisce about.

But it does make me remember how I spent my childhood.

This was a particularly good day. I did not do much. But I enjoyed it.

I took my creativity and did like 2 new things: writing about my day step by step, and making a wooden letter fridge magnet. I vaguely remember just spending time looking out the window more than usual.

This was not representative. I had what was the equivalent of “end of middle school exams” coming up. And I typically would spend more time playing video games on my computer instead.

My defaults was to err towards spending time in pretty unintentional ways. When I was 11 years younger I didn’t really know much better.

Sure, a lot of the YouTube I did watch was at least semi-educational (Linus Tech Tips et al). But clash of clans isn’t even that good a game?

At the same time, if you replace Clash of Clans, YouTube, Crossy Road, Tech articles with something like Claude Code, TTS Articles, Twitter, LessWrong, then uhm…. I guess I still have some pretty similar days sometimes. And they can be good for feeling more refreshed.

Claude code is a really good game though. One of the best.

That said, I do just wish I had more days where I just did things instead of watching YouTube and playing games. Even days just like this. Most days I really did nothing of interest at all.

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Analysis with Claude Code

I told Claude to categorize how I spent my day.

I spent half the day sleeping or napping. around 2.75 hours eating and doing routines.

I spent 2 hours just doing nothing. Looking out the window. Thinking. (I think I felt guilty playing games all day because of observer effects, this was not typical)

I spent 3 hours watching Youtube/playing mobile games.

I spent 0 minutes outside, and like 10 minutes interacting with anyone. And this was good!

I spent about 10 minutes pretending to study and 10 minutes actually studying.

I did spend like 1.5 hours making wooden letters as a fun project. And writing the log probably took at least a cumulative 30 minutes, which was also fun.

For a long time I guess I really didn’t value my time. Looking at what I was doing all day, yeah I can see why.

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Introspecting

I probably did “waste my childhood” in some sense. I did very little each day.

I lived a life without introspection, I sometimes doubt if I was conscious at all.

But I didn’t really know any better. I didn’t have the information that life could be better. Yeah, I had some down periods. But to be honest, I mostly enjoyed many of the chill doing nothing on my own.

Being older and having more introspection has helped me to have some of the most fulfilling days and some of the best relationships I ever had. But I feel more pressure to be better and not waste my time, there is just too much I need to get done.

So I’m not sure whether I would really want to change my life back then.

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1. I think I was trying to do a dream diary so that I could lucid dream, but it didn’t work. And I guess I was like “oh I should do a day diary instead” or something. But I don’t really remember.